Margaret Mallory

To: Santa Clause

From: Margaret Mallory, age 8, Dallas resident, and honor roll student.

I know you probably have my file somewhere, but since there are over two million Margaret Mallorys on the Internet, I thought I would help you narrow it down. Christmas just ended and the portable DVD viewer I requested hasn’t made it yet. At first I thought delivery services just weren’t what they used to be, but then it occurred to me that your computer might have tossed me in the spam folder.

What could have caused such a mistake? Maybe the mention of my dead hamster, the complaint letter I left the tooth fairy, or the cussing fiasco. Allow me to clarify.
While it’s true that I did at times forget to feed the hamster, it isn’t my fault that he got out. Consequently, I can’t possibly be held responsible for him getting into street fights with varmints in the back alley. I tried to bandage him, but he got jumped by a gang of rogue bunnies. Honestly, it was out of my hands.

As for filing my objection with the tooth fairy, I feel it’s a proactive step that should be commended. That’s what mommy did when the company that cuts our yard messed up the hedges. I know people in the North Pole are much more forthright and responsible, but down here they’re lazy ass jerks. At least that’s what mommy mumbled while she was printing out her letter. Anyway, the tooth I left was in prime condition and had a fair market value of at least ten dollars. Ask anyone in my third grade class.

And the cussing, that was Lucy’s fault. My Spanish isn’t very good yet, and I didn’t really find out where I was inviting my teacher to put it until it was too late.

I do hope you will reconsider your stand on the portable DVD viewer. And I’m happy to provide personal references.

Yours Truly,

Margaret Mallory


Pic by eron_gpsfs